A Heart-Wrenching Tale of A Woman’s Unhealthy Relationship With Her Scale

So, I don’t talk about my weight. Ever. To Anyone. Well, except maybe to Christine. But I make a very pointed attempt to never discuss my relationship with my body in a public forum. If I ever do discuss it in some way (like last year’s smoothie obsession which you can read here), I talk about my health. I talk about my energy. I talk about everything in my diet in relation to my Rheumatoid Arthritis and various other autoimmune issues but I never talk about my weight.

I grew up in a household full of women who all had struggles with their bodies. Meanwhile, I was thin. It was genuinely unfair to all of us that there was such a disparity among our genetic makeups. For them, I know jealousy crept in. For me, it was guilt. For all of us, it was mentally exhausting. Every new diet fad they tried and every new opportunity I had broke us further and further apart as a family. I spiraled into body dysmorphia as a teenager and don’t know that I’ve ever fully recovered.

As an adult, I have struggled with my weight. I’ve come to expect a general pattern every year – I lose weight in the Summer and gain it back each Winter (plus a little extra). I go through periods during which I love my body and I’m happy to show it off and then other times, I want to layer myself in baggy clothes and pretend I don’t hate the image in the mirror. It’s not healthy for me but it is what it is and I don’t talk about it because I don’t want my kid hearing these thoughts and relaying them to her own body image. I don’t want to acknowledge the extra 30 lbs I carry because my current weight – even at 30 lbs higher than I’d prefer – is someone else’s dream weight. So if I body-shame myself in a public forum, I am inadvertently body-shaming a whole pack of beautiful women who see my figure as their goal and that is just bullshit. Diet culture is bullshit, you guys.

Bullshit or not, it’s real. It’s a real struggle that almost every single woman I know has had or is currently working through. One of these women happens to be a lady I adore. Watching Monica of Monica Wants It struggle, through her blog and Instagram stories, has been a heartbreak for me. I want to fix it because I am a fixer. I want her to have the confidence that I can only pretend to have.

So this week, I was particularly excited to read her post about turning away from her scale. While it’s clear that she’s still in a struggle, I honestly think this is the best step forward for her. Below is an excerpt from her post but it’s not the full story. You should read it all, even if you have no personal weight challenges, so you can know how to be a better friend to those of us who do.

Here’s the full post: Why I’ve Given Up Weighing Myself For Lent